Are You Being Selfish or Just Showing Self-Love?

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By GG Renee

I used to talk on the phone a lot. It was an escape for me to hop on the phone with my girlfriends and chatter away the stress of the day. It was comfortable and familiar, but it ate up a lot of time that I could have used to process what was going on in my life.

I felt like I had to consult with other people before I could make decisions on my own. I thought I had to be there for everyone before I could even consider being there for myself.

Eventually, I became so overwhelmed with people and opinions and expectations that I began to shut it all out. I became particular about when and how I shared myself. It happened gradually and I lost some friends along the way, which was hard at first. But I knew it was necessary. I couldn’t live that way anymore, constantly at the mercy of everyone else’s timing and agendas and over-involving myself in too many things.
 
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I realized that there were things I’d have to sacrifice to become the driven person inside of me. I would have to put my needs first and stop looking for reasons to distract myself. Because that’s what I was doing and it’s what we all do when we’re afraid to trust our true desires and instincts. We tell ourselves that making changes in our lives will cause too many problems and it won’t be worth it. We start thinking about what others will say and how they’ll judge us. We look for emotions to attach to all the outcomes, scanning our feelings, just looking for something to be upset about.

We can’t necessarily control this initial resistance to change, but we can control how we respond to it. When you feel guilty, bring your thoughts back to your truth, your priorities, the most fundamental makings of you. And if you are living according to your truth, there is nothing to feel guilty or selfish about. You can release those distracting feelings and focus more on what you do want, less on what you don’t want. Remind yourself that your life is your responsibility and you have your own choices to make. No guilt. No resentment. Let yourself be who you need to be, and let others be who they need to be. This is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself.

When I pulled back from being all over and into everything, I became less cranky and anxious, and I felt more present as a mom, partner, and friend. When it came to purpose, I became constantly inspired. I went from sitting on the phone complaining and distracting myself to giving myself time to be creative and independent. I was making different choices, trusting my instincts more, utterly focused on pleasing and revitalizing myself.

You have to value yourself and trust your instincts to create a meaningful life. That means removing the obstacles that keep you from yourself. Not waiting for things to happen to you but intentionally setting out to bring about experiences and energy that you want. You can’t make everyone understand and you don’t need to. One person’s selfish is another person’s self-love. Decide for yourself. Follow your path, regardless.

GG Renee is an independent author, a creativity coach, a feeler and an overthinker.  She writes for the crazy beautiful complex free creative inspired love drunk woman who relishes her quiet time and believes in miracles.  Blog // Twitter // Instagram

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1 Response
  • caylin
    November 10, 2015

    Thank you for this blog. I have been recently finding myself in the midst of this exact issue. So to hear another woman has struggled with the exact same issue reassures me that I am not alone on this journey and that there is hope. So thank you so much!!!

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